
One time I bought some beer for Christmas Eve with my family and the cashier saw that I was 24 and went "Yep, almost 30!" Ouch! 6 years away and I was almost 30? Well, her perception of time may be off from most of us, but 6 years is a long time!

Now I'm a year and a half away from being 30 and I could care less. Age means nothing, it's just how many times you've been around the sun. We created time so that life felt less unnerving-- can you imagine if we didn't create the concept of time and life just went on and on?

Time gives us anchor points of how old we are, and society tells us how far in life we must be at that age. Thankfully, society is usually wrong and simply dogmatic.

The truth is, you can do anything at any age, for the most part. People like to say "I'm too old to do x" but that is an excuse. If you have a drive to do something, you can do it, that's the beauty of life.

Time may not be real, but it's also important not to waste it. Don't waste the short amount of time you have on this rock doing things you don't enjoy or that don't lead you to a better life.


Time Isn't Real


Some people want to be remembered, be it for or their accomplishments, their personality, or other personal affects. There's nothing wrong with that inherently, but being remembered is pointless if you won't be there to experience it.

When you're dead, you won't be able to benefit from the fruits of your labor. You won't be in the room at your funeral where everyone commemorates your life. Why worry about something you can't enjoy?

It's better to want to be memorable now. Make people acknowledge you and your talents in the present. Be the person you want to be remembered as while you can reap the rewards-- it's pointless otherwise.

Don't just tell people how incredible you are, show them with actions that can't be interpreted in the wrong way words can.

Beyond your talents, being a source of positivity and hope is also a great way to get people thinking about you. If you're a miserable person, it will be no wonder why no one wants to remember you now, and when you're gone people will only think of how nice it is you aren't moping around anymore.

Become irreplaceable, then you truly will never be forgotten.


Don't Be A Martyr


This scenario has played out for you and everyone else in the world: You finally find someone worth their weight in gold. They could be best friend material, a soulmate, or just a straight up pleasant person to interact with.

Things are going great, but then seemingly out of nowhere, contact ceases. No more good morning texts, no more I love you's-- radio silence.

It's annoying as hell, so why does it happen? What causes someone to ghost us? Well, it's a lot of things, but it's mostly down to human nature.

## Relationships are transactional

The reason people are in your life is because they get something from you. This can be sex, validation, money, or companionship. When someone ghosts you, it's because they feel like they aren't getting one of these things from you.

Not only that, but they perceive their value as being higher than yours. You're the one that needs them, not the other way around. A girl may ghost you because she sees that her value is way up there in the clouds and yours is in the gutter. A high status or value person typically doesn't want to be associated with one of low value.

This can happen when a girl senses the desperation in a man. A high value man would never act in or display emotions of despereation. Act like you can do better, and other people can sense it. If you don't give a fuck, then it's a sign that you have options, but when people sense desperation, they feel like you don't think you are worth what you are going for.

## How to Deal With It

I've been ghosted plenty of times. Does it hurt? It used to, but now I realize when someone ghosts you, it says more about that individual than you.

When someone ghosts you, realize that maybe they saw something you didn't. Maybe the relationship was doomed to fail and your rose tinted glasses kept you from seeing the truth. Also, when someone ghosts you without a reason why: who the hell wants to be with a person like that? No communication is a type of communication and they are communicating to you that they don't think you're worth an explanation.

It hurts, but it's easy to move on once you realize there's plenty of people to see! People who actually want to talk to you. If you see differently, it may be a sign your self-esteem is low and needs improvement, which is normal in a society like the modern west.

Every time I was ghosted or broken up with by a girl, I always found a better one, sometimes in the next week. And it's not just because I'm special, there's millions of people out there to try new things with. All you have to do is try and know you're worth it.

## What to do when someone ghosts you

The nice thing is when someone ghosts you, they did all the work for you. You don't have to do anything else.

They stopped communication, and so do you. No checkup texts necessary. Don't worry, this person didn't die in a car crash, they're merely telling you "I have higher value than you". Mirror the emotions and actions of them and things will work out naturally. You don't have to respond when they finally do reach out, but if you do, there's no point in showing bitterness.

It's funny, when a person realizes they can lose you and that you don't need them to exist, they start acting differently, in ways that don't jeopardize losing you. If they don't, then they weren't worth it anyways.

I've learned not to respond to ghosts, but it's okay to do so. Maybe they will come around, but usually not.

I don't believe in ghosts so when someone becomes one, they cease to exist as well.


Why You Keep Getting Ghosted


The thought of someone being smarter than ourselves is unbearable. Clearly we're the smartest person we've ever met. Other people can be more talented than us or more handsome(for women, the thought that another female could be prettier than them is also painful), but not smarter.

And yet there are people out there who are a lot dumber and uglier than you that have all that you want. They have the money, the mortgage, the attractive spouse, the kids, the car. Don't think about it too much or you might throw up.

So how did we get here? How could God be so cruel to allow a clearly undeserving individual to have so much?

That ugly, dumb person thinks they deserve it.

They saw the cute girl and asked her out, not thinking about how much out of her league they were. They noticed a new position open up at their job and applied for it, not disqualifying themselves beforehand because they thought they were unqualified. They don't think about things too much. They go after them.

If you want to be treated like a king, act like one. If you want something, you have to reach out and grab it. It couldn't be more simpler than that.

There's nothing worse than overthinking everything and not allowing yourself to experience or have good things. If you think that you are worthy of love, you will get it. If you believe you are capable of the job, you will get it. It may take work and sacrifices, but everything becomes attainable.

The worst thing that can happen if you go for these things is you get what you want, or you don't. You had nothing before, so why would that matter?

I've met doctors and engineers before that were clearly only smart in their field and dumb in life. I've met smart people who are total losers and live in poverty. The biggest difference in these people isn't their percieved talent or life circumstances, but how they perceive their value. Both are capable of great things, but one chooses the life of a winner and the other chooses the life of a loser.

It's hard to tell how intelligent people of ancient history were, but it's safe to say you have a lot more knowledge than they did. The only difference between you and Napoleon is he thought he deserved to be recognized as a brilliant war strategist.


People Dumber and Uglier Than You Have The Life You Want


I used to think compromising meant being the better person and making the world a friendlier place to live. How could such a selfless act not be an exemplar of benevolence? But giving in was ruining my life; trying to make other’s happy all the time was draining my energy; being the one to save face was degrading my value as a person.

We compromise not because we believe it’s the right thing to do, but because it’s easy. It takes little effort to pay full price while bargaining requires some doing. We believe we’re compromising, but we aren’t getting anything in return. A compromise is when you give something to get something, if you aren’t rewarded for your troubles then you have merely lost the negotiation.

I will compromise if the outcome is a better deal, but I refuse to be anyone’s Chamberlain, and I’ve never been happier in my life.

## Life Is Not A Compromise

People on their deathbed rarely remain wistful of all the times they didn’t appease others. It is in their final moments that they reconcile with the idea that life is final. This is not rehearsal for how things are going to be, but rather this is the final act. We have finite time and energy to spend on activities in life. If we spend these resources on others and tasks we don’t want to do, we are wasting it.

I’ve come to realize that what makes others happy is merely a bonus. If other people are happy from my doing, it’s supplemental to the consequence of achieving what I set out to do— be it start my own business or writing an article like this one. I live for myself and focus on what fulfills my ideal of life, and it’s a healthy person that is able to see that other people can have their own expectations from us and the world, but that we don’t have to meet them.

## Happiness Comes In Different Forms

I used to think it made me happy to make others happy, but that’s not quite true. Yes, seeing others happy brings me some elation, but if I had to give up something to get there— be it time or money, the act is deluded.

The only person I know how to make happy is myself. I love creating, communicating my ideas to others, and experiencing the microcosms of life. Other’s happiness from these ideals is not a goal but a side effect.

I used to be quite a naive person who would try to see the good in other people, even if they appeared to lack a modicum of it. I’m sure there is good in others, but even seemingly good people can misuse your good nature to get what they want. Though I’m not bitter about this deceit; I’m actually grateful. People who have taken me for a ride have opened my eyes to what I really want to do with my life.

No one can make you happy but yourself, and this goes for others as well.

No longer do you need to focus on the happiness of your parents, your partner, or strangers. If they truly cared, they would be happy that you were happy. Happiness is not a goal, but an emotion that comes from achieving something, no matter how small.

Happiness is fleeting and fickle, but it’s all over the place. You can make someone’s day just by wearing a conspicuous pair of shoes. Happiness is simple when applied to the emotion that comes from something small, but complex and obtuse when the source of it comes from life goals and ideals.

If we only worry about the happiness of others, then there is little time to worry about the happiness we can control, our own.


I Don't Exist to Make Others Happy


With the advent of social media it has never been easier to see the atrocities of the world, and not purely of war or greed, but of human nature as a whole. It is this instant access to these upsetting imageries that leads to anxiety and other ailments that plague our modern society. We can not only look and see what the world is up to, but also our friends and colleagues. In a para-social environment like social media, witnessing random people on the internet living extraordinary lives can send us spiraling into depression and have us questioning ourselves: “Why isn’t my life exciting like that?” Luckily these instances are a facade that veils the psychological tricks of social media, where dirty tactics are used to keep you addicted to checking the app, comparing yourself to others, and ultimately feeling negatively towards your “imperfect life.”

What you see on Instagram or Twitter is not the real world, but a cleverly manipulated snapshot in time created in the hopes to beguile people into believing what they are seeing is reality. The photo of war battered children is not from this morning but six months ago from an unrelated war; The photo of a seemingly jubilant person on a trip to the Bahamas is secretly and silently suffering from depression and uses trips as a way to cope with their afflictions; The conservative politician who preaches traditional values but cheats on their wife. These contradictions are as old as time, but they show that people may live a life that differs from what they let on. Social media is the perfect tool for this beguilement as it allows individuals to curate what others see about their life.

## The Experiment

One day I decided that I wouldn’t use twitter or instagram for as long as I reasonably could. I realized it was a distraction that served no purpose but to waste my valuable and finite time and to line the pockets of big corporations by the consumption of ads and other psychically draining mediums. I deleted the apps from my phone and reassured myself that I wasn’t missing out on anything, which ironically is what most of us fear when not on social media. We believe that we are missing out on the world and our friends when not checking social media and thus need to reassure ourselves by giving into the feeling and loading the app. It’s a funny little paradox that is despairing to think about.

## The First Day

They say the first day—- the first step, is the hardest. You either feel overconfident that you will succeed in your objective, or crippled by the challenges of something new. However the first day was rather easy. I worked my job, attended to side-projects, read books, and simply relaxed. My mentality at the time came from these questions I asked myself: “What was I missing out on by not using social media?” and “I have been using these programs for all these years and what do I have to show for it?” I am not someone who makes money off using the likes of Twitter and Instagram. I write articles like this one, work on websites, and produce music. Can these things benefit from promotion on social media? Sure, but I don’t need anyones permission to do them and can accomplish what I need to all on my own. Social media can be a useful tool, but this is a small portion of its use. Its true intention is to get you addicted to the product so that you consume it more and more. Not only are you bombarded with ads, but a slice of the beautiful lives of others and the remindement of how you don’t shape up. It goads you into wanting more of that bad feeling invoked by comparing yourself to the fake world that is social media.

Perhaps its western society, but when we see people with more than us our natural instinct is to ask ourselves “why?” and “how do we get that thing the other person has?” It keeps the cycle going and our spending habits coincide to hopefully one day reach the success we see in the world. These habits can get in the way of real life—- the thing you are living now. Comparing yourself to what you see on instagram is tantamount to sizing up your life to a character in a movie; if the characters in movies were as boring as the people in normal life, no one would watch films.

## The Proceeding Weeks

After about a week, any intentions I had of checking social media waned. I felt like I was not interested in what it had to offer and I was no longer under its malicious spell. I lived my life as normal, but without the constant distraction and intrusive thoughts of “What am I missing out on?” I realized social media was not a party I was not attending, but an anxiety inducing carnival where the ruffians of the lot are going around nicking pockets and stabbing stomachs. It is not fun to use social media, but rather exhilarating in a toxic way as you see what’s going on out in the “real world” where everyone is happy but you. There are times where I feel a tinge of anxiety before opening the app. Just as a gambler loves the thrill of a win, we love the idea of looking at social media and finding something interesting or a message from someone we haven’t heard from in awhile. Every time we reload the feed we are spinning the wheel and hoping for a reward, but just as the house always wins, the corporation behind the app is banking off your psychology and ranking in the blood money from your addiction.

The truth is, everyone is living a life just as boring as yours. When someone is in the routine of traveling constantly and always looking for the next best thing, there may be an underlining feeling that they lack something in their life and are attempting fill it. Trips are great and going out on the town can be exciting, but these should only be small pieces of your life, not imperative parts. If you can’t be happy in this very moment, how would going somewhere else make you happy other than in that fleeting juncture? That is the danger of social media: it makes us believe that life is about being excited and showing off to the world how wonderful our roving lifestyle is.

We are all aware of the post-vacation blues where upon returning home we yearn again for the excitement we felt in that new place, away from the pressures of work, family, and other social obligations we feel necessary to attend to. Social media is that feeling but you haven’t even gone on that trip, but seeing other people experiencing what you want triggers that negative feeling. Some people live their entire lives believing consuming social media everyday is a sane way to live, but this mentality is flawed and dangerous. Our life’s duty is not to consume, but to create, and it’s hard to do the latter when you’re accustomed to only doing the former.

I found myself enjoying the small things more while on my social media detox. I felt more “in the moment” and used my phone less— the only way I would check social media. I went on more walks, had more time to be productive, and had better social interactions with the people in my life. This was life before social media. Normality. I felt no urgency or rush to “get things over with,” but rather enjoying every moment that came to me.

I am no longer an overly anxious person, but checking social media has always been a way to get my heart beating. As silly as it sounds, I feel like one day I will check instagram and see some either horrific or incredible thing. My time away from it all has made me realize that the likes of Twitter and Instagram are boring. They offer real no source of entertainment other than seeing how truly absurd its foundation is. These products offer nothing but a distraction from our reality, which is probably why they are so successful. I’m not a Tik-Tok user but I know of some people in my life who have spent the entire day in bed watching them. It is escapism at its most dire form.

After sometime had passed, I wanted to see my thought experiment to its end.

## The Final Day

It was my day off from my day job but I still had work to do. I like to start the day off by reading and listening to music while sipping on some coffee. I try to limit the amount of conflicting information I take in while my brain is in its optimal state of retention. News and social media are some of the worst things to start the morning off with as the information overloads our brains with junk that serves no purpose to our life but to get an emotional reaction from us. Start the morning off with some light reading, a gentle workout, and a little caffeine, and you will see a change in your life, guaranteed.

The tangent above is the main reason I decided to abstain from social media for so long: it was not improving, but holding me back from being a productive person. When I was younger I over-used social media, and during the pandemic it became my own little source of panic and obsessive checking. I felt remote from those activities and feelings now. I have realized I don’t need social media at all, but rather it’s a nice little distraction once in awhile.

At about noon I realized it’s been approximately 3 months since my last view of Twitter and Instagram. I figured my little experiment had run its course and it was time to see what I missed. I downloaded the apps once again and logged in.

My brain was overloaded with information, pictures, and ads. I didn’t even really want to look at, it felt too overstimulating and unnatural. When we spend some time away from something we realize how it truly made us feel when we return to it, and I can’t say I thought I was missing out on anything at the moment. I persevered and checked what my friends had done or posted and their stories for the day. No knock on my friends and the people I follow, they’re a great lot and all live fulfilling lives, but I can’t say I missed much. No fun events worth posting about, no big life changes, or anything that caught me off guard. Social media is not real life, but rather a microcosm of what others want us to see, and I wasn’t seeing much. I didn’t miss out on much because nothing is actually “happening” on sites like Twitter and Instagram. “Life is constant change” is one of my favorite Marcus Aurelius quotes, but the constant change oscillates between the usual things. Someone traveling to Japan sounds like a fantastic trip, a trip worth posting about, but it has no real bearing on our life; we can also take a trip, it’s not necessarily an unachievable goal. Comparing yourself to others is not a good proxy value for how great your life is going. We all have feelings of inadequacy and doubts, why inflate them more with social media?

I received messages from people asking where I was or a meme they sent me, but there were no dire questions to be answered or emergencies in need of attending. The people that need to contact me have my number and can ask me for help or simply chat with me at any time. I’m a bad texter but I will always get around to it if it’s important. Which shows that communication is not social media’s main use, because if it was people would be using it to get through to me. Instead, the people that truly mattered to me had other, more efficient ways of contacting me.

Perhaps its my fault for thinking my experiment would yield any telling results, but it merely confirmed what I thought all along: social media is addictive and serves as a fun distraction, but offers no value. I haven’t made a cent by using Twitter and Instagram: why would I spend anything more than 5 minutes a day using them?

Your mileage may very and perhaps you make boat loads off selling a product on instagram. If that is the case, then using social media makes plenty of sense. For us that do not see Instagram as a lucrative endeavor, it’s time we reevaluate why we use it.

## After the Flood

3 days had passed since I used social media for the first time in awhile. I had work to do at my job and books to finish so using a little game like Twitter wasn’t on my list of things to do before I die. I have decided to take another break from using social media as I am much happier when I’m not using said apps.

It’s easy to reassure yourself with ideas like “I don’t want to use social media, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to look at it right now.” Show yourself real restraint by abstaining from it for a couple of days and reassuring yourself of the things you’re _NOT_ missing.

## My Tips On How to Use Social Media Safely

Here’s what I’ve done to avoid the pitfalls of social media, something most of us feel like we have to use for some reason.

### Don’t wake up and immediately check your feed

The beginning of your day should be calm. You’re getting ready for work or enjoying your day off— why would you want to introduce more unnecessary information into your day? Instead set a time or even a day where you’re allowed to check the news or social media. Preferably after lunch time. In the morning your brain is in an optimal state for taking in information so it’s imperative that you do not feed it with junk and unnecessary information. People have told me they have seen something on social media that made them so mad that it ruined their day. Why let something mess up your day when there is no reward?

### Decide on a period where you don’t use it at all

Dopamine detoxes are all the rage these days with self-help gurus and pseudo-scientists, but there is some truth to the phenomenon. Your brain is not designed to constantly feel good and to be stimulated. Have you noticed that when you’re in love with someone the first few months are ecstasy until the feelings seem to wear off? Attraction, just like feeling good, are not sustainable and must be in juxtaposition to indifference and boredom. It’s good to be bored, it makes you realize that there are things you want to achieve in life, which you can’t do if you are in the habit of only doing “fun” things. Instead of getting bored and using social media to dulcify the feelings, give into it and do something like read a book, write, or go for a walk; embrace the boredom.

### Realize That Social Media is a Snapshot in Time

We let people see what we want them to see and hide our true feelings when perhaps we shouldn’t, and social media is a magnification of this. Some seem to overshare on social media while other share nothing. Just as you may only post when something good or life changing happens, so do other people. Most people do not post about how they just got off work or cleaned the dishes; we want people to think we are living the optimal life, full of adventure and plunder.

## The Final Goodbye

I am weirdly proud of myself that I was able to last 3 months of not using social media. It sounds silly, but in comparison to people who use it every day and maybe even every hour, the time spent away from it all was a fantastic break. I will continue to occasionally use social media, but no where close to the capacity I was accustomed to. Most likely I will post to my instagram account once this article is published but I don’t think I will check my feed. If I want to know what someone is up to, I will shoot them a text. My life is enjoyable as it is, I don’t need external things or other people to continue down this road of enjoying life.

I think back to all of those hours I wasted on social media and I can’t help but feel like I squandered time on something that proved no reward. At least with video games and movies you are experiencing a piece of art that is on some level mentally stimulating; Twitter is not art but rather a soulless product that has objectively made the world a worse place to live.

Now that my little experiment is over and this article is at its end, it’s time I get back to the “boring” life, of which I wouldn’t have any other way.


I Didn’t Use Twitter or Instagram for 3 Months, Here’s What (Didn’t) Happen


**Note:** in this article I will be using the term “nice guy” colloquially to refer to both men and women, to say in general that people do not care for a nice guy(or girl).

Winston Churchill, Neville Chamberlain: two English prime ministers. One is seen as being willful, relentless, uncompromising, a sneering imperialist, and a remarkable man that we should all aspire to be. The other, you never hear about. In fact, if you hear about him it’s likely because his namesake is often used to describe someone who gives in to other’s demands. For those unaware, Chamberlain was the prime minister before Churchill’s second term, he signed the Munich Agreement and was lampooned as being an appeaser who gave into Hitler’s demands. His legacy has forever been stained by this characteristic. We don’t seem to remember nice guys and in fact, loathe their actions.

Why don’t we hear about the giver, the compromiser, or the appeaser? Is it not more noble to give than receive? Should we not admire a person who is flexible and willing to relinquish control for the common good? The same reason “he has no back bone” isn’t a compliment. Our movies feature the same characters, the same motifs, and the same arcs. The tough fighting cowboy who shoots before the other guy has time to draw from his holster, the super hero who knows she must destroy half of New York to stop the mustachioed villian, the moody teenager who doesn’t fit in and must stand up to the bullies and her hindering parents to get the last laugh at the end. We want to see people who overcome the obstacles life throws their way, just as we wish ourselves to triumph over them. Ruthlessness, to a point, is alluring and strong. The business woman knows she must compromise a little here and there, but will never fully acquiesce and is okay with fighting to get what she wants or needs. Giving in, allowing people to walk all over you is seen as weak because there is nothing being outwitted, beguiled, cajoled, or wiled. We all secretly love the huckster who grew up poor as sin and had to get by in the big city conning rich folk out of their money, and we not only love when David stands up to Goliath, but also cuts off his head. Rooting for the underdog is everyone’s favorite pass time, and you can’t be an underdog unless you’re willing to stand up to adversity, something nice guys can’t do. Nice guys seem to be afraid of adversity, something we all must go against to accomplish meaningful things in life.

“But he’s such a nice guy!”

“She’s really sweet”

All seem swell but girls love a bad boy! Someone roguish and untamed like a wild mustang. He’s a dreamer, a rebel, or maybe a fighter. His emotions- does he have any? He’s a loose cannon and a project someone has the pleasure of trying to fix. Men generally love a girl who exudes independence and strong-will, she can be bossy and manipulative, but in a fun way. She’s loud and has a personality that makes us want to orbit around here. You wouldn’t want a partner that had to be hung around your waist all the time or was an emotional burden, the same goes for people we admire. Not being nice all the time shows independence, self-governance, and fortitude. They have the choice and the autonomy to act in their own accordance. A person should know when to be nice and when to become forceful. The same way we detest when someone likes us too much; they seem too needy; they have no personality of their own and thus they cling to us. Men chase after women who don’t seem to know or care they exist; women sometimes pursue men who are complete rakes who are emotionally unavailable or abusive. We want what we can’t have, and no one chases after nice guys because the chase ends as soon as it starts. It’s too easy to be nice, not in a benevolent, altruistic way, but a “I avoid conflict” way. The ideal person most of us admire is not a Chamberlain, but a Churchill. To be ambitious one must also have a sharp edge to them, the willingness to go up against seemingly impossible odds and maybe step on some toes. Dedication and hard work are all seen as the noblest of attributes, the nice guy rarely has these, and in its place, the reflex to bend to the wills of others.

Above all else, nice guys are boring. They go with the flow, not in a taoist way, but a “I’m fine with life passing me by” way. There is no enchantment of “What will she create next?” or “He gets the job done!” Instead we see a person who cares too much about what others think, they want people to like them, and paradoxically being nice is a good way for people to be indifferent towards you at best. Earnestly I wish I could say that being nice, that is being in a perpetual state of nicety, was a trait that we should all admire, and we do find being a kind soul a noble feat. Though the archetypical nice guy is not nice for this sake. He is not nice because he wishes to spread the good of the world, but because it is easy. He faces no uphill battle and claims to be a gentle soul. Though the most gentle of souls are also those aware that we must all sometimes fight for the truth we hold, stick up for the people we love, and defend our way of life. Even Mother Teresa and Gandhi, two paragons of benevolence weren’t all that nice and fought for their own truths. In fact someone thought Gandhi wasn’t so nice and shot him! To quote Hunter S. Thompson, “Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on the shore and merely existed?” There is nothing impressive about a boat stuck in the harbor in which it was built. Never venturing the seas it was made for.
